I decided to take a quick break from the incessant studying I've been doing for the last 3 days to prepare for my mid-term to share with you another self-realization. I've been having a lot of those lately, which is surprising considering I feel like I've hardly had time to think. If you don't care or are sick of my psychological perusings, feel free to move on to your next blog read. I recommend some of the ones to your right.

Ever since I signed up for this class I've been struggling to handle the extra load it's put on my schedule. Angry and frustrated is probably more appropriate. I think there's even been a childish tantrum or two somewhere along the way. I miss my free time, plain and simple.

Lately, though, I've been struggling with what I think other people must think of my struggles with this class, namely my seemingly complete lack of ability to cope with the load. The thoughts that have been running through my head have been along the lines of "she's such a loser, she can't even handle one class" and "they feel like I'm letting them down" and "they must want to strangle me for complaining about ONE CLASS". Tonight I realized that these feelings I've been thinking others have towards me...those are the feelings I really have about myself.

I do feel like a loser for feeling so overloaded by one class. I mean, this is ME. The one who worked full time and went to school full time and still managed to graduate with honors. I should be able to handle ONE LITTLE CLASS. And I do feel like an ass complaining to my friend who is preparing for the bar exam, and to my other friend who is currently writing her thesis on something that has something to do with RNA. My pressures can't even begin to compare with theirs.

But the reality is all of that crap I went through in undergrad? I never wanted to do it again. Ever. It burned me out, and I'm still burned out. Not to mention the fact that when I was in undergrad I had a job I could leave at work that had minimal responsibility and required little mental exhertion, and I did not have the pressures (self-inflicted, mind you) of maintaining a marriage in the midst of it all.

So, to all my friends, I apologize for putting all of my self-loathing on you. Unless you actually have been thinking some of those things, and then...well, know I'm already covering those bases for you.