The older I get the more I think that by the age of 25-or-so we have experienced most of the emotional wounds we will ever experience in our lives, at least on some level. After that any future hurts merely open old wounds. However, this process can often be more painful than the original wound. Now we not only have to deal with the pain of the newly inflicted trauma, but we also have to deal with all of the pain from the original wound and any subsequent associated traumas. It can be a lot to deal with.

I was recently hurt pretty deeply by someone. I was actually surprised how much this person hurt me, especially considering I hardly know them. I’m over it now, but at the time it was truly one of the more painful things anyone has ever done to me. As I processed through my anger, hurt, and frustration, I realized that a lot of the pain I was feeling was associated with events from my past and how those events had hurt me. It also made me realize that there is still a lot of unresolved bitterness and anger in me over those events, and that I’m probably going to have to address that at some point (like now). It doesn’t mean this person wasn’t a total jerk towards me; it just means that my pain wasn’t solely from this one person’s actions.

It made me kind of mad to accept that a lot of what I was feeling had nothing to do with this person and their actions towards me, because I was really pissed off at them and wanted to blame their horribleness on how I was feeling. To have to shift some of the blame onto un-dealt with baggage from my past meant I had to take some of the responsibility for how I was feeling. It also meant that I had to accept that the saying “people can only hurt you as much as you allow them to” actually has some merit, which makes me even more mad because I think that statement is total crap. At least I did. Now I think it’s only partial crap. Just saying that pisses me off a little.

The reality is I did let this person hurt me as much as they did. I chose to be mad, and for quite some time. It even kept me from sleeping well that night. Eventually (by the next morning) I let it go and decided I wasn’t going to let one person’s crap-laden actions ruin any more of my life. I still don’t like thinking about what happened, and I have no desire to interact with this person if I can help it. But at least it’s not affecting how much I enjoy my day-to-day life, and on a day-to-day basis, that’s what really matters.