Behold, my personal invitation from Samuel L. Jackson to see SNAKES ON A PLANE! Click on the link to give it a listen and enjoy.

Seriously. How can you not at least put a movie that has Samuel L. Jackson fighting SNAKES ON A PLANE! in the top contenders list? The suspense is killing me! How do they get the snakes off the plane? Probably by using any one of the number of objects the FAA does not yet forbid you to take on a plane that could still be used as a lethal weapon, like your belt, high heel, pen, keys, hands...the list could go on and on. These items will likely be banned once this movie sheds light on the fact that we are allowing highly lethal weapons to walk onto planes every day. Sorry folks. You can't take your hands on the plane with you anymore. Please store them in your checked luggage or we will have to confiscate them.

Radio Shack laid off 400 of its Ft. Worth employees today... VIA E-MAIL. The employees were warned that layoffs would come electronically, so there's a chance Radio Shack's butt is covered.

This is my favorite part of the article:

Kay Jackson (spokeswoman) said the electronic notification was quicker and allowed more privacy than breaking the news in person.

In other words, you didn't have to spend time talking to employees and dealing with their reactions. I think this is one of the lowest and most dispicable things you could do as an employer. If you're going to let someone go, you at least owe it to them to tell them to their face. Whoever made this decision should be fired, and they should receive the message via post-it left on their desk.

The other day I got 2 invoices from the copier company totalling $$*. I was slightly confused by this large amount, so I called them to find out about it. They rewarded my effort by telling me that we don't owe $$. Instead we owe $$$**. Well, I'm so glad I called. Apparently the large amount is for back charges because they have been short-billing us for the last 3 months and just realized it. My response is this isn't my problem. Their response is we still owe them the money. While technically we do, I feel like there should be some sort of compensation since this wasn't our mistake and all the sudden we're getting slammed with a $$$ bill. They're willing to let us pay it out in installments. Gee, how nice of them. That totally makes up for the inconvenience and the fact that they have been incorrectly billing us for the past 3 months. Let me just get out the checkbook and start writing the checks.

*$$ reads as - 'a lot of money'
**$$$ reads as - 'an ass load of money'

I'm sitting here, flipping through the channels, and I just came across an infomercial with twin midgets selling their "Cash Flow Generator" plan to sell real estate. I am not lying. Mrs. Juicebox can totally back me up.

Update:
Here is a picture of the midget twins promoting their "Think Big" conference. Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

And here is some sad news about them. Apparently one of the midgets died earlier this year in a tragic hospital incident. The other midget is suing (and rightly so from the article). Let us observe a moment of silence.

For a more comprehensive (and humorous) description of the bizareness that is the Real Estate Scheme Selling Midget Twins, see Mrs. Juicebox's post here.

I will admit that I have always had a secret desire for my blog to be famous, a la Dooce. However, after reading her latest entry I think I'm glad it's not, because my skin is just not thick enough to deal with the amount of hate mail she receives on a regular basis.

Apparently she has received mass amounts of hate mail over this post about free range chicken broth, with people hurling insults at her because they clearly lack a sense of irony and are incapable of finding humor in even the simplest things in life. If a person can't enjoy a little joke among family about chicken broth, what have they got left?

This is what is wrong with the world. People are getting angry over chicken broth. CHICKEN BROTH, PEOPLE. If you have the energy to get this upset over something so trivial, then clearly you are not having enough sex. Please go have some. Now.

Weekends are great. No work. Relaxation. And infomercials for Yoga Booty Ballet, complete with Squishy Ball.

This woman's child is going to need so much therapy.