Pictures and stories to come…

If mushiness makes you vomit, then look away. You have been sufficiently warned.

Since Otis posted the proposal details, I’ll let you go there to read them.

The proposal was perfect. I couldn’t have imagined anything more perfect than what it was. It was everything I ever wanted, which is really surprising when you realize Matt didn’t know what I wanted. We have a great story, and our friends were there to share the moment with us. I’m so glad they were there.

The ring blew me away. I have always secretly wanted a Canary diamond but never dreamed I would have one. They’re too expensive and hard to find. But Matt, in true Matt form, made that dream come true. Matt has fulfilled more dreams for me over the course of our relationship than he knows.

Since the engagement on Saturday I have been slowly adjusting and accepting the fact that we are really getting married. At times it still feels like a dream, but it is slowly sinking in and I love the feeling. We’re really getting married! It’s really happening! No dreaming, no hoping…it’s for real!

One of the biggest adjustments has been shifting my thinking from me to we. I never thought it would be so challenging, and I know it will get easier over time. I guess I just thought I already thought on the we level when it came to us, but this is a whole different ball game. I love it, though. I love thinking about our lives together and what the future may hold. I can’t wait!

We’ve already started plowing through the wedding details and hope to have a location nailed down this week. People keep looking at us like we’re crazy when we tell them we’re getting married on July 8th. Yes, of this year. But we want to keep it simple, small, and fun, and mostly not drag out the wedding planning torture for months.

Thanks to everyone who helped make the proposal so special. It meant the world to me.

I’m bored at work, so I decided to practice writing my new last name…Otis-Milam. Do you know how much fun this is? And I don’t have to feel silly cause it’s really gonna be my name! Heeee!

Otis and I are plowing through the wedding details. Here’s the damage so far:

*Wedding and reception site - check
*Rehearsal dinner site - check
*Wedding dress - check
*Bridesmaid dresses - check
*Flowergirl dress - check
*Flower/color ideas - check
*Decorations/Florist - check
*Photographer - check
*Wedding cake - check
*Pastor - check
*Pre-marital counseling prep - check

And it’s only been 8 days!

Of course, we still need to figure out what we’re going to do for food, but that’s in the works.

Do not stand in my way or you will be destroyed!

People always tell you marriage is the most important decision of your life. I agree. But what they should also tell you is it’s the MOST decisions of your life as well.

Last night Otis and I registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond, which you can see here. It was a ton of fun, but afterwards we were both completely drained. I couldn’t figure it out at first, and then I realized it’s just exhausting making this many decisions. It might not be quite as exhausting if we weren’t doing this quite so quickly, but I doubt it. I like to figure things out, make a decision, and move on to the next item on the list. A 6 month or 1 year engagement would drive me nuts. I have no idea how people do it.

My favorite thing we registered for are the margarita and pina colada drink mixes. Not that I expect anyone will get those for us, but when all this is over I’m definitely going to need a drink. Do they let you register at liquour stores?

Today I have been freaking out because I realized there is a crapload of stuff we have to get done in a very short amount of time. And then, while checking out TheKnot.com I saw a header for “How to Write Wedding Newsletter: send news to bridesmaids, send “hints” to groomsmen, send updates to guests”. Are you freaking kidding me? Who has time to do something like this? Clearly only the woman who is able to quit her job so she can plan her wedding full time…for a whole year.

People care way to much about this wedding stuff. I’m not talking about the commitment part. That’s the marriage, not the wedding. I mean people care too much about stupid little details that nobody else cares about. I’ve decided I’m going to care about as few details as possible, accept that things will not go perfectly, and try to enjoy this. I’ll let you know how that goes.

In spite of all of the joy and happiness of getting married, there have been parts of this process that have been surprisingly bittersweet. For example, I will be leaving my roommate of four years. Four years is a long time, and while I’m excited about starting my new life with Otis, I’m also going to miss Kasandra more than I think I realize. She’s been there for me during some of my roughest times, watched my dog, made me laugh when I needed it, and taken care of me when I was sick. I feel a little like Monica did on Friends when Rachel was moving out so she and Chandler could live together. “And now you have to leave, and I have to live with a boy!” Even though I know we will still be great friends, maybe even better friends, it’s hard to make the change.

There has also been a part of me that has struggled to enjoy my happiness because I want everyone else to be as happy as me. I want to fix it for everyone so they can know the same joy, and it makes me sad that I can’t. I have to let that go and let God do what he wants to do in his time. But I just want everyone to be happy. Mostly that’s what I keep thinking. I just want everyone to be as happy as me.

Maybe I’m just having a hard time accepting that I get to be this happy. I’m always thinking I don’t deserve happiness, and if I am happy it’s not right. I don’t feel like I deserve any of this. I haven’t done anything great or wonderful. In fact, I’ve lived a pretty selfish, petty life. But I’m thankful for all of it and hope that I can learn how to receive the blessings and enjoy them instead of finding reasons I shouldn’t have them.

I promise I won’t do a daily count down of the wedding until we’re at least 10 days out, and even that may not happen.

In 25 days I will be married to the most wonderful man, and I can’t wait. The plans are still going pretty smoothly despite a snaffu with my dress and my first emotional breakdown over absurd details that I really don’t care about. But 3 hours of sitting in a chair to get your hair done so you can make sure it looks good on the ACTUAL day you get your hair done could push anyone over the edge. OK, maybe that’s just me. I apologize to my friends who had to endure my frustration overload on Sunday. Thanks for being an empathetic ear and for still loving me in spite of it.

Last night I watched an episode of Bridezilla’s I DVR’d and was litterally giggling with glee at the prospect of watching women go nutso over their wedding. After watching, though, no wonder these women lose it. Who on earth has 15 attendants on each side, plus 5 junior bridesmaids, 2 junior groomsmen, 3 flower girls, and 2 ring bearers?!?! Only someone who’s asking to go crazy, I tell you. The logistics of coordinating that many people alone makes me have a panic attack, not to mention the fact they are spending $60,000 on their wedding. Holy Freaking Crap.

Luckily Otis and I have managed to keep our wedding slightly more sensible than that, which is the only thing that has kept me sane this long. Honestly, it really hasn’t been that bad and I’m amazed at how relatively stress free this whole process has been. At least considering how bad it could be. I better go knock on some wood before karma decides to turn the tables on me.

I haven't posted anything about the wedding to date simply because it's taken me this long to process everything that day was. The first few weeks after the honeymoon were more challenging than I expected them to be, with life throwing us curve ball after curve ball that we certainly weren't expecting to deal with so quickly. Luckily things have calmed down over the last couple of weeks and Otis and I have really enjoyed this thing called Marriage.

The wedding was perfect. Really. I couldn't have asked for anything more wonderful. It was everything I wanted and even more than I never expected it to be. Looking over the pictures the last few days, I've seen a wedding more beautiful than I could have ever planned, and I feel so blessed for that to have been my wedding. Plus I have a really hot husband.

Despite the first few trying weeks, I've really enjoyed being married. It's a ton of fun, but mostly very comforting knowing that I'm going home to someone who loves me every day, and knowing that person will always be there. The only downside I've been able to find is that now I instantaneously dissolve into tears if I watch something that has the male romantic figure suffering in any way. It's like some switch was flipped in me. A switch that causes tears to stream uncontrollably down my face.

I've gotten some curious comments regarding marriage from people. I think you can really tell how people feel about their marriage or certain periods of their marriage by the passing comments they make. Example: yesterday two separate people were shocked when, after asking me how I was enjoying marriage, I told them it was fun. Their response was that "fun" was not how they would have described their first year of marriage. I find that so puzzling. I guess it's just the dynamics of their relationships, but Otis and I have a ton of fun together, and I love knowing that we have our whole lives to share that fun. Some have said to me that the first 6 months were great, then it gets harder. Maybe. I don't know. We'll just have to take it one day at a time, something I think we're doing pretty well so far. I'm excited to live today with him, and to discover what each new day holds for us. And I hope that one day, many years from now, I can look back and say that, overall, being married has been the best experience of my life.